thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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