Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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