Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
