I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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