I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
