what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
