I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
