You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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