Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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