if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
