Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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