i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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