Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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