I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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