Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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