Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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