I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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