gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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