Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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