i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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