Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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