she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
