what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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