I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
