i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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