My first STD was from a foam party
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize