He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
