Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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