my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it glows. i had to have it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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