the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
