Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
