My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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