id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
