I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
