I just cut my nipple shaving
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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