Can i not drive my cunt home
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
