I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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