I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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