woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
