We won't sleep together?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
