if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
