My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
