But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
