Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
