yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
