Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize