you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
