all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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