Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
