HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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