Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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