No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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