the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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