I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
