the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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