Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
