Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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