I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
