I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
