I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
