i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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