You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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